How do I let go?

How do I let go? Not let go of you, not let go of the promises you made but how do I let go of the promises I made to myself. I have given up on the idea of us a long time ago. You and I weren’t meant to be, and I know that now. But it took me years to get here. Years of therapy, years of crying for me to trust myself, to know when I say something I mean it. It took me years to trust myself and to know that I’m in this body forever and that’s not a sacrifice it’s a gift. I knew our relationship wouldn’t work. I knew one day you would get tired or maybe I would. I never got stuck in the if’s and more on the when’s. But now I ask myself how do I let go?

How do I let go of the love letter I wrote for you, that I never got back. How do I let go of the words I wrote and the tears I cried in those letters? Every word I meant, so now I ask how do I let go of the person I was writing those letters for. Its difficult to give up on a relationship knowing all the things you wanted to do together will never happen, but I got over that a long time ago. But I never got over the promises I made myself about fulfilling those plans. I promised we would move to Montréal as I did my master’s at McGill, and you did your undergraduate at HEC. But now I find myself pushing myself to apply to McGill. Why? Is it because I still hope I’ll meet you there and we can continue our plans? No, I must apply because within that promise I made to you was also a promise to myself. That even without you, the next step of my journey was Montréal.

I wasn’t upset we ended, I was upset I’d have to let go of the promises I made to myself. So now I ask you, someone who knew me as much as I let them, how do I let go of the promises I made to myself?